Akatsuki Internet Mishaps
by Tara Terra
Summary: When the Akatsuki use a computer randomness occurs. How crazy can things get?


So, time for a new story. Akatsuki Internet Mishaps will focus mainly on issues the Akatsuki run into while on the Internet. The issues are mainly Deidara's fault. This should be pretty funny and I would love suggestions for later chapters. Enjoy and please review.

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**Deidara had decided to put the computers owned by the Akatsuki members to good use. He went online and created a survey. Then he put a note on the fridge asking the others to take it. Deidara logged onto the computer in his room, and decide to see which of the Akatsuki members would take his survey. Sasori logged on first, much to his surprise, as he didn't think he would want to even look at it. Itachi logged on next, which made Deidara nervous as he had no desire to peer into the sadistic mind of the Uchiha. Tobi logged on, although it was a mystery how the weird man had figured out how to turn on a computer, much less log on and take a survey. Kisame had logged on and Deidara hoped the English classes that the shark man had taken would make his writing easy to understand. Finally Kakuzu logged on and Deidara decided it was time to start.**

Deidara exclaimed "Great! It's time to start!"

Sasori grumbled "Whatever."

Itachi just typed ...

Tobi said happily "Hi! I'm so excited!"

Kisame cautiously tried "Uh…Hello?"

Kakuzu asked "Don't we have a mission or something?"

Deidara stated "I hope you guys are ready for the survey, un!"

Sasori said "Nah…"

Itachi just typed ...

Tobi shouted "YES!"

Kisame hesitated "Uh, I guess..."

Kakuzu asked "Can I have tips?..."

Deidara said "Okay, here's the first questions, un!"

**Deidara got the survey up on his computer and began to post the questions.**

Sasori complained "This is going to be stupid; ughhhhh…"

Itachi just typed ...

Kisame asked, irritated "Itachi will you please say something? Damn, the dots are driving me crazy!"

Itachi said "...something."

Kisame replied "Smart-aleck."

Kakuzu said "I hope it has to deal with money, if it does im getting an "A" plus!"

Kisame sighed, "It's better than nothing I suppose."

Tobi demanded "Come on Deidara-sempai! Post the questions!"

**Q.1. Who's the hottest female?**

Sasori said slyly "...Temari."

Itachi said enthusiastically "Beni-Hime" (Kurenai) (A/N: It's another way to say her name.)

Tobi said "Ino, because she looks like sempai!"

Kakuzu decided, "TenTen"

Kisame said "Hinata"

**Q.2. Your biggest rival?**

Sasori typed Itachi.

Itachi typed no one.

Tobi typed Kisame!

Kisame typed Kakuzu.

Kakuzu typed Sasori.

**Q.3. Who's the ugliest female?**

Sasori typed Sakura.

Itachi typed "That girl on Sasuke's team."

Tobi typed "That pink haired girl on Naruto's team."

Kakuzu typed Lil' pinky.

Kisame typed ...everyone pretty much said her.

**Q.4. 'Yahoo!' -Kiba**

Sasori typed Kiba suckz.

Itachi said "What an idiot."

Tobi typed in all caps CHA!

Kakuzu typed Cool dog!

Kisame typed I love his spirit.

**Q.5. Who do you hate?**

Sasori typed Ash fromPokemon

Itachi typed Danzo

Tobi typed the skank next door to me.

Kisame replied "But Tobi, the person next to you is Deidara."

Tobi answered "Hehe, I know."

Kakuzu typed The tax-collector.

Kisame typed ...I hate all of you.

**Q.6. Fuck you Tobi, un. Best T.V show?**

Sasori typed Sex in the City.

Itachi typed Desperate Housewives.

Tobi typed Dragon Ball Z!

Kakuzu typed Pawn Stars.

Kisame typed Spongebob Squarepants. Itachi-san what the...?

**Q.7. Worst T.V show?**

Sasori typed Naruto.

Itachi typed Days Of Our Lives.

Tobi typed Power Puff Girls.

Kakuzu typed QVC.

Kisame typed "Gilmore Girls. Itachi what is wrong with you? You watch soap operas?!"

**Q.8. Best video game?**

Sasori typed Final Fantasy.

Itachi typed Castlevania as his answer and then said "And yes Kisame. Soap operas take the depression out of my life."

Tobi typed Tekken!

Kakuzu typed Mario.

Kisame typed Dynasty Warriors. Itachi-san...you're weird.

**Q.9. Worst video game?**

Sasori typed Tekken.

Itachi typed Mario.

Tobi typed Castlevania!

Kakuzu typed Dynasty Warriors.

Kisame typed Final Fantasy.

**Q.10. On snowy days, you are...?**

Sasori said "Drinking hot cocoa."

Itachi said "Drinking hot cocoa with Sasori."

Tobi said "Bothering Deidara-sempai!"

Kakuzu said "Counting money."

Kisame said "Swimming."

**Q.11. Shut the hell up, Tobi, un. Anko is on the loose ,raping people...I just heard from Leader...**

Sasori asked "Is that supposed to be a question?"

Itachi asked "Am I supposed to be afraid?"

Tobi said "Yay! She can rape me first!"

Kakuzu said "Oh yeah!"

Kisame said nervously "I'm gonna hide in my fish tank..."

**Q.12. Who do you think is the most innocent female?**

Sasori typed Shizune-chan.

Itachi typed Beni-hime.

Tobi typed Hinata.

Kakuzu typed TenTen.

Kisame said "I agree with all of you."

**Q.13. Strongest girl?**

Sasori typed Grandma Chiyo.

Itachi typed Beni-hime

Tobi typed Tsunade! Duh!

Kakuzu typed Mizuri-chan!

Kisame typed Temari-san

**Q.14. Person you envy the most?**

Sasori typed Itachi. He gets more spotlight.

Itachi typed Asuma. He's stealing my Beni-hime!

Tobi typed Naruto! He's gonna be Hokage!

Kakuzu typed My accountant. He gets more money than me!

Kisame typed No one...

**Q.15. Gayest boy on Naruto?**

Sasori typed Deidara. Isn't it obvious?

Itachi typed Orochimaru

Tobi typed Deidara-sempai!

Kakuzu typed Orochimaru

Kisame typed both.

**Q. 16. Screw you Tobi, Kakuzu and Sasori, un. Who's the straightest guy on Naruto?**

Sasori said "Me."

Itachi said "Me."

Tobi said "Me!"

Kakuzu said "Me."

Kisame said "Me and no one else!"

**Q.17. Chocolate or honey?**

Sasori typed Chocolate.

Itachi typed Chocolate flavored Kurenai.

Tobi typed Honey!

Kakuzu typed Chocolate

Kisame typed Honey

**Q. 18. Favorite Color?**

Sasori typed Red

Itachi typed Red

Tobi typed Red!

Kakuzu typed Red

Kisame typed ...Blue...?

**(Zetsu has logged in)**

**(Hidan has logged in)**

Sasori typed Um, More Jackasses?!

Zetsu typed ...

Kakuzu typed Here's my masochistic friend; Hidan

Hidan typed Men I'm gorgeou…

Everyone typed SHUT IT!

Hidan typed Son's of bitches!

Zetsu typed Hide your shame Hidan. Hide your shame.

Tobi typed Ohayoo Zetsu-sensei! Did Deidara-sempai invite you too?

Zetsu typed Hi Tobi-san. And yes, I'm afraid he did.

Hidan typed Why doesn't anyone ask me any questions?

Everyone typed Who ask yah?!

Hidan typed Damn bastard asses.

Itachi typed I hate Deidara.

Sasori typed Don't we all?

Kisame typed Not Tobi-san.

Tobi typed Deidara-sempai isn't feminish. Or Is he?

**(Deidara has logged in)**

Deidara typed Hello, un! I hope you guys are enjoying the survey, un! Bye, un!

**(Deidara has logged off)**

Sasori typed Damn that gay bitch.

Kakuzu typed Why does he earn more salary than meee?!...

Tobi typed Kakuzu-san. We have no salary.

Kakuzu typed Oh! Yeah! Riiiiiight!I knew that!

Kisame typed Deidara gives me the creeps.

Itachi typed He's such a girly tutz.

Tobi typed Hey, does Leader know we are doing this?

Zetsu typed I informed him.

Hidan typed Who cares?

Zetsu typed Your momma.

Tobi typed Awesome Zetsu-sensei! I might have to use that one...

Sasori typed Deidara! Give us the damn questions!

Itachi typed Impatient now?

Hidan typed Bring on the holy questions!

**Q. 19. What's your trademark?**

Sasori typed My puppets.

Itachi typed My Mangeku eyes.

Tobi typed Itachi-san, you misspelled your eye thingy-thing. Anyway, it's my face! It looks like a thumb print.

Kakuzu typed My fingers. I used it to count money

Kisame typed My skin.

Zetsu typed my body, teeth, skin.

Hidan typed Oh…You have teeth? ...And then I suppose…

Everyone typed ANSWER HIDAN!

Hidan typed YOU FOOLS! YOU DARE SHOUT AT ME!

Everyone typed YEAH!

Hidan typed Fine. It's my sexy body!

Everyone typed ...better than nothing I suppose...

**Q. 20. Who would you rape?**

Sasori typed ...wtf?

Itachi typed Beni-Hime.

Tobi typed What is rape?

Kisame typed You're insane.

Zetsu typed I cannot rape. If I do, then it would influence Tobi-san to do it.

Kakuzu typed Is it free?

Hidan typed Ino Yamanka, Hinata Hyuuga, Kaze No Temari, Anko Mitarashi-

Everyone typed WE GET IT!

Tobi typed Damn you fucking slut!

Kisame typed You should be ashamed. Most of those girls are just babies.

Zetsu typed Well, Hinata-hime and Ino-chan are very attractive...

Hidan typed Thank you Zetsu-san. But you're still a creepy plant.

Itachi typed I'd still rape Kurenai.

Sasori typed...You have to admire Itachi and his straight-forward additude I guess...but Kurenai is hot I guess.

Kakuzu typed Does Kurenai has a change for a buck?

Itachi typed Beni-hime is mine.

Sasori typed I don't want her, damn! Crazy, over-obsessed psychopath.

**Q. 21. Sorry it took me so long, un. I went to go get a drink. Anyway, what's pretty to you?**

Sasori typed Damn gay questions...

Itachi typed Beni-hime naked.

Tobi typed Itachi-san, your obsession with her is getting kinda out of hand... But anyway, stars are pretty.

Kakuzu typed Money. Of course!

Kisame typed Anything with H2O

Itachi typed Kisame if you want to go for a swim, then why don't you?

Kisame typed ...I don't really feel like it.

Itachi typed ...

Kisame typed Let's not start that again. Please. Those three dots bring me down.

Zetsu typed Ino Yamanka's flower shop and Hinata Hyuuga's greenhouse.

Tobi typed Is that where you are most of the day?

Zetsu typed Yes, and sometimes in Tsunade 's office sitting by her desk blending in with the plants. Shizune-chan never notices me.

Hidan typed Clever. I think the Lord Jashin is beautiful!

**Q. 22. Best movie you ever seen?**

Sasori typed (sarcastically) Charlie in the chocolate factory. Just kidding. I liked Hannibal Rising.

Itachi typed Epic Movie and Hannibal Rising.

Tobi typed Dare-Devil and Hannibal Rising!

Kakuzu typed Dirty, Sexy, Money and Hannibal Rising

Kisame typed Jaws II and Hannibal Rising.

Zetsu typed Sunshine and Hannibal Rising.

Hidan typed Passion of the Christ.

Kisame typed Hidan, how can you enjoy that when you are a Jashinist?

Hidan typed ...

**Q. 23. Worst movie ever?**

Sasori typed Legally Blonde 2.

Itachi typed Twilight

Tobi typed Sex in the City

Kakuzu typed The Day After Tommorow

Kisame typed Any pro-fishing movies

Zetsu typed Hannibal.

Hidan typed Cannibal Holocaust

Kisame typed Hang on, Itachi, you actually WATCHED THAT!

**Q. 24. Best anime movie?**

Sasori typed Howl's Moving Castle

Itachi typed Vampire Hunter D

Tobi typed Tom Sawyer

Kisame typed Castle In The Sky

Kakuzu typed Shadow Skill

Zetsu typed Johnny Appleseed

Hidan typed Spirited Away

**Q. 25. Worst anime movie?**

Sasori typed Appleseed! What was the purpose of that movie?

Itachi typed My neighbor Totoro. It sucks ass.

Tobi typed My Neighbor Totoro was awesome, Itachi-san! But I hated that damned movie Goku! What the hell was that?

Kakuzu typed Cell saga!

Kisame typed Howl's Moving Castle.

Zetsu typed I happened to have liked Appleseed Sasori. Worst to me Blood: The Last Vampire

Hidan typed All the Inuyasha movies! Too many Demons!

**Q. 26. Enjoying the survey so far?**

Sasori said "Seriously. even from the start...NO."

Itachi said "It's alright. Gets me away from reading "Super Fudge"."

Tobi said "It's fun!"

Kakuzu said "No."

Kisame typed As long as Itachi's not reading "Super Fudge" it's good.

Zetsu typed Keeps Tobi out of trouble. So yes, it's fine.

Hidan typed I'm gonna continue with my sacrifice after this...

Everyone typed We care?

Hidan typed Damn you all!

**Q. 27. What time is it?**

Sasori typed It's 12:34

Itachi typed Too early for a survey.

Tobi typed My clock says 12:30.

Kakuzu typed Noon…I guess

Kisame typed Somewhere around noon.

Zetsu typed Sasori, you are wrong and Tobi's clock is wrong. It's 12:23.

Hidan typed The perfect time to cleanse yourself and be devotees to Lord Jashin

Everyone typed Not even in your life!

**Q. 28. Did Zetsu cook dinner yet?**

Sasori asked "You're worried about dinner at lunchtime?!"

Itachi said "Zetsu hasn't even come out of his room."

Tobi asked "Zetsu can cook?"

Kisame typed He better not cook shark again!

Zetsu typed It's Kakuzu's turn to cook again.

Kakuzu typed It's better than spending money on fast food I guess

Hidan typed By the will of Lord Jashin, I ,Hidan shall cook dinner instead of Kakuzu to…

Everyone typed SHUT UP!

**Q. 29. What happened to the paperboy this morning?**

Sasori typed (groans) ask Zetsu.

Itachi typed Ask Zetsu.

Tobi typed Ask Zetsu-selena!

Kakuzu typed I bet on Zetsu!

Kisame typed Ask Zetsu, Duh?!

Tobi typed What happened to him Zetsu.

Zetsu typed Oh...so that's who he was...oh well, he tasted nice.

Hidan typed SINNER!

**Q. 30. 30 QUESTIONS! HOW YA FEEL?**

Sasori typed Annoyed.

Itachi typed Surprised I'm not bored.

Tobi typed Excited!

Kakuzu typed Greedy.

Kisame typed Same as Sasori.

Zetsu typed Hidan and I have only done 11, 12 questions now.

Hidan typed Cultish

**Q. 31. Now it's time for "Would you rather"! Ready?**

Sasori typed No.

Itachi typed Whatever.

Tobi typed CHA!

Kakuzu typed Um, Ok!

Kisame typed Not really.

Zetsu typed I guess.

Hidan typed Bring it on!

**Q. 32. Would you rather kiss Sakura, or get raped by Anko?**

Sasori typed Kiss Sakura. I don't want to be looked at as a male whore.

Itachi typed Get raped by Kurenai.

Tobi typed Itachi-san your insane. I'd get raped by Anko! She's sexy!

Kakuzu typed That depends

Kisame typed Get raped by Anko, She loves fish.

Zetsu typed Get attempted rape by Anko. I'd end up reversing it though by accident.

Hidan typed Get-

Everyone typed We know, we know, you'd get raped.

Zetsu typed Can we move on to the next question?

Tobi typed Yeah, ignore Hidan-slut!

**Q. 33. Would you rather marry Hinata Hyuuga or marry Tsunade?**

Sasori typed Marry Hinata. Tsunade'd probably abuse me.

Itachi typed Marry Beni-hime.

Tobi typed Itachi-san! Kurenai's not an option! I'd marry Hinata! She has a large beautiful cataract!

Kakuzu typed Who earns more?...

Kisame typed Let's see...one's too young, the other's too old...I say Tsunade. That way I can't get prosecuted.

Zetsu typed Marry Hinata. She's the sun that gives me life.

Hidan typed Both! Lord Jashin never said you couldn't marry twice!

**Q. 34. Would you rather Hug Orochimaru or kiss Naruto?**

Sasori typed Oh good god! ...Don't infect us with your "GAY" (instead of "hay") FEVER!

Itachi typed Kiss Naruto, make Sasuke-gay jealous.

Tobi typed Kiss Naruto...?

Kisame typed Ack. Kiss Naruto.

Kakuzu typed Naruto, he has more money.

Tobi typed Kakuzu-san you're really the money-maker here!

Kakuzu typed That's what you get saving money for over 80 years!

Zetsu typed ...see Sasori.

Hidan typed Hug Orochimaru.

Everyone typed ...wtf?

Hidan typed What? At least you won't feel gay.

**Q. 35. Would you rather watch Teletubies or kiss one of your fellow members? Name which one!**

Sasori typed Watch Teletubies.

Itachi typed Watch Teletubies.

Tobi typed Watch Teletubies.

Kakuzu typed Watch Teletubies.

Kisame typed Watch Teletubies.

Zetsu typed Watch Teletubies.

Hidan typed TELETUBIES IS A SATANIST SHOW! Oh well, rather watch that then kiss one of you guys. Kakuzu. Beware!

Kakuzu typed WTF?!...

**Q. 36. Would you rather fall in love with Sasuke or go on a date with Itachi? Itachi you can't answer this time!**

Sasori typed DEIDARA YOU MAN-WHORE!

Itachi typed That's foul...

**(Deidara has logged in)**

Deidara typed Oh well, you gotta answer, un!

**(Deidara has logged off)**

Sasori typed I hate him. I'd go on a date with Itachi.

Itachi typed ...

Tobi typed Go on a date with Itachi-san.

Kakuzu typed Date with Itachi

Kisame typed There's that annoying three dots again! Damn it, I'd go on a date with Itachi

Zetsu typed Go on a date with Itachi?

Hidan typed Go on a date with Itachi. It's against my religion but I will-

Everyone typed Shut up! We get it!

Hidan typed Foul bastards!

**Q. 37. Would you rather date Kurenai or date Temari?**

Sasori typed Temari. Itachi'll kill anyone who says Kurenai.

Itachi typed ...BENI-HIME! MY WIFE!

Tobi typed Temari-hime! She's fiesty! I like that!

Kakuzu typed Both, that way I'll have dual income and...

Everyone typed Shhhhhhh…

Kakuzu typed You all treat me like Hidan!

Hidan typed ?

Kisame typed (joking) Beni-hime.

Itachi typed ...I'M GONNA EAT YOU LIKE SUSHI!

Kisame typed Just kidding, calm down. Temari-hime.

Zetsu typed Temari-hime, she's powerful.

Hidan typed BOTH!

**Q. 38. It's time for Horror movies! Ready?!**

Sasori typed Why aren't we done yet?

Itachi typed We gotta go up to 50.

Tobi typed I'm ready!

Kakuzu typed Deidara!. You owe me Big Time!

Kisame typed Yeah, sure, whatever.

Zetsu typed I suppose.

Hidan typed OF COURSE I'M READY!

**Q. 39. What's the best scary movie?**

Sasori typed Chucky.

Itachi typed Amityville Horror.

Tobi typed The Grudge, Scared me for life man.

Kakuzu typed Return of the Living Dead

Kisame typed The Exorcism Of Emily Rose

Zetsu typed The House of the Dead.

Hidan typed Resident Evil

**Q. 40 What is the most funniest movie?**

Sasori typed Teletubies Movie

Itachi typed Meet the Spartans

Tobi typed Mr. Bean! Yey Teddy!

Kakuzu typed Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Kisame typed Lil' Mermaid

Zetsu typed The Gods must be Crazy 5

Hidan typed Spongebob the Movie!

**Q. 41. What is your favorite food?**

Kisame typed Don't you guys say fish! Huh?!... Or you'll be sleeping in the bottom of the sea next morning!

Everybody typed Ok! Ok! We get it!

Sasori typed I like nothing. I don't eat.

Itachi typed Spaghetti with Meatballs

Tobi typed Fried Chicken

Kakuzu typed Can we eat money?

Everybody typed No! You money-obsessed fool!

Zetsu typed Fertilizers especially wet ones…

Hidan typed Blood

**Q. 42. Okay, now it's time for "Guess who!" Who says this "You're nothing special".**

Sasori typed The Fan Lady Thingy from Sunagakure

Itachi typed The wind girl.

Tobi typed Fiesty baby!

Kakuzu typed The girl with an overgrown fan

Kisame typed Te-Ma-Ri.

Zetsu typed (See Kisame)

Hidan typed (See Lord Jashin)

**Q. 43. "Yahoo!"**

Sasori typed Kiba Inuzuka.

Itachi typed Dog-boy

Tobi typed The guy with the super cool dog!

Kakuzu typed Wildman and Dogzilla

Kisame typed (See Sasori)

Zetsu typed (See Kisame and Sasori)

Hidan typed (See Lord Jashin)

**Q. 44. "Ano..."**

Sasori typed The most timid girl ever Hinata Hyuuga.

Itachi typed Beni-hime's student.

Tobi typed Hinata-hime!

Kisame typed (See Sasori)

Zetsu typed (See Tobi)

Hidan typed (See-

Everyone typed You don't even have to say it.

Hidan typed Fine. I won't.

**Q. 45. Okay, we're about to end! Now it's just pointless questions! How ya feelin'?**

Sasori typed Finally!

Itachi typed I wanna read "Super Fudge".

Tobi typed Can I read with you Itachi-san after I'm done identifying Deidara-sempai's gender!

Itachi typed Sure whatever.

Kakuzu typed Oh well, Back to counting my bounty

Kisame typed I'm sleepy.

Zetsu typed ...gettin' kinda hungry...

Everyone typed Okay, hurry up so Zetsu can get something to eat.

Hidan typed I'm bored.

**Q. 46. Whats on your mind right now?**

Sasori typed Strangling you Deidara.

Itachi typed Super Fudge Remix!

Tobi typed Super Fudge and Gender Problems with my Sempai

Kakuzu typed Decapacitating you.

Kisame typed The bed.

Zetsu typed ...I'm getting really hungry...

Everyone typed ...

Hidan typed Um, people, hurry up this accursed survey because I hear Zetsu moving around in his room. I'm very scared coz' he's just right beside my room.

**Q. 47. What the hell is all that noise?**

Sasori typed What noise?

Itachi typed I hear a lot of leaves falling.

Tobi typed I don't know.

Kakuzu typed I hear my pennies dropping.

Kisame typed I hear roaring and crashing noises. Ooops!. It's just my Aquarium.

Zetsu typed …I'm sorry Hidan-san…

Hidan typed OH MY LORD JASHIN! ZETSU IS GOING CRAZY! AHHH!

**(Zetsu had logged off)**

Tobi typed What's wrong? Why did Zetsu-sensei log off?

Kisame typed We gotta do something! He'll eat us all!

**Q. 48. Is that Hidan screaming?**

Sasori said nervously "Oh shit..."

Itachi complained "I can't read Super Fudge with all that noise."

Tobi innocently said "Why are you guys so worried? Zetsu-sensei would never hurt us."

Kakuzu ominously said "Small world Tobi, small world..."

Kisame warned "You know nothing of what that crazy ass plant will do."

Hidan screamed "HE'S BANGING ON MY DOOR! HE'S GOING TO EAT ME FIRST! I'M THE FIRST! I'M THE FIRST!"

**Q. 49. Holy Hell! We gotta help Hidan!**

Sasori moaned "We're doomed."

Itachi continued to complain "I just keep hearing leaves and Hidan screaming like a girl."

Tobi said, startled "Oh my! Zetsu-sensei is on a rampage!"

Kakuzu asked greedily "How much is Hidan's corpse?"

Kisame exclaimed "We gotta go stop him and get him something to eat!"

Hidan screamed "AHH! SAVE ME! LORD JASHIN!"

**Hidan logged off, grabbed his scythe, and ran away from Zetsu.**

**Q. 50. Well that's the end of the survey! Hope you guys had fun! Now enough chat, we gotta save Hidan!**

Sasori typed Oh yeah my favorite part!

**(Sasori has logged off)**

Itachi said "Super fudge here I come."

**(Itachi has logged off)**

Tobi yelled "Zetsu-sensei! Stop!"

**(Tobi has logged off)**

Kakuzu typed What a waste of time...

**(Kakuzu has logged off)**

Kisame typed ...

**(Kisame has logged off)**

**(Deidara pushes off the Main Switch, shutting off all the computers, including yours.*joke*.)**


End file.
